One time in college I found a spray-painted rock that said CHOMPER about the size of a couple hamburgers on the ground. So I picked it up and took it to my dorm, because it wasn’t supposed to be there. It later occurred to me that I didn’t know what to do with it or who to return it to. So I started using it as a doorstop.
Apparently that rock belonged to a fraternity boy whose Christian name was “CHOMPER.” CHOMPER was very upset that someone took his rock from the pile of fraternity boy rocks. I didn’t take CHOMPER’s rock from the pile though, someone else did. I just picked it up. I only found this out because my RA was dating a boy in CHOMPER’s fraternity, and she happened to see my doorstop.
However, my RA was currently failing out of college and left a few days later and I never got any more details on who CHOMPER was in the noumenal world, or even what fraternity he belonged to. I had no desire to inconvenience myself by seeking out someone who was mad at me. Also I forgot about it. And CHOMPER’s rock was a good doorstop.
Sorry CHOMPER. I’m pretty sure I still have your rock somewhere. Or I lost it.
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